Software engineer, real estate broker… and part-time demon host? Dana wasn’t prepared for how demented this first date would get.

Dana had been on Hinge long enough to know that if someone looked too good to be true, they probably had a demon. Or, in this case, were possessed by one.

A few months post-breakup and trying to lean into the whole “dating is an adventure” mindset, Dana had been giving the apps another go. Her friends said she needed to get back out there. Her therapist said she needed better boundaries. But Dana? She just wanted a decent cocktail and a conversation that didn’t make her want to throw her phone in the Gulf.

Enter Declan.

He was a real estate broker and software engineer from Tampa, the kind of guy who came with professional headshots and a suspiciously shiny résumé. According to him, he’d only been on three dates since joining the app, but his stories made it sound more like three seasons of a docu-series.

Date one? A woman who worked as a pharmacist by day and a serial dater by, well, all day. She stacked breakfast, lunch, and dinner with different men every single day of the week. Efficiency queen.

Date two? A stage-five clinger. She showed up uninvited at Declan’s office after somehow tracking him down. He’d been in meetings all morning and found her camped out in the lobby. Security eventually got involved.

So when Dana met Declan at a waterfront bar halfway between their homes, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was about to become date three in his catalog of red flags.

The setting was perfect: twinkling lights, fire pits, live music drifting across the water. And Declan? He was charming. Almost too charming. The kind of guy who could make being haunted by a demon sound like an endearing personality quirk.

He dove right into his stories. There was his distaste for drama, his pristine digital footprint, his obsession with reputation management. He seemed polished, worldly, and maybe just a touch too curated.

Then came the real twist: the demon.

Declan had grown up in Johannesburg, where his family still owned a large compound. During a recent visit, he and his brother started seeing a strange, monkey-like figure lurking near their windows. Back in the States, the figure returned—this time in his dreams.

Or were they dreams?

He described classic sleep paralysis: unable to move, unable to scream, just frozen as the dark figure crept closer night after night. Eventually, it bled into his waking life. He stopped socializing. Productivity plummeted. The always-on entrepreneur powered down.

Dana blinked. “Wait—was it successfully exorcised?” Because she had enough on her plate and wasn’t about to catch a demon like it was the flu.

Declan smiled, unfazed. “Sort of.”

When he finally told his mom what was going on, her concern turned to full-blown panic—especially when she found out his brother had been experiencing the exact same thing. She showed up at his house with holy water and staged a full cleanse. The house went on the market that Monday.

But the demon wasn’t tied to the property, it was tied to Declan. That’s when the priest got involved. A formal exorcism was performed, and while it didn’t completely banish the entity, it definitely mellowed it out.

These days, the demon only visits occasionally, and it’s usually in a good mood.

Dana nodded slowly, processing that her date came with a haunted past and a potentially recurring spiritual guest star.

He had more stories: an Eyes Wide Shut-style party, his fondness for nude beaches, and that time a client propositioned him and his boss told him to “make it work.”

Dana had come prepared to tell a few stories of her own, but something about the sea breeze and Declan’s rhythm made her just want to listen. He was a master storyteller—each tale delivered with TED Talk precision. The date ended exactly at the two-hour mark. He paid while she was powdering her nose, walked her to her car, kissed her goodnight, and disappeared like a man who knew how to make an exit.

They say a good date leaves you wanting more.

Declan definitely did. His life was one part thriller, one part fever dream—and for some reason, Dana didn’t mind.

As long as the demon keeps smiling, what’s the worst that could happen?